It's All Happening in The Moment
Last night I was telling a friend what it was like to heal from Chronic Fatigue. I explained that as I started to regain my energy and health, I became aware of many, many feelings I didn't know I had.
In short, I started to feel...during my illness, and probably for several years prior, I had stopped feeling, without knowing it...I had buried and repressed all sorts of feelings I didn't know I had.
One of the strongest feelings that emerged was the feeling of grief. I don't know why, but as I began to recover I began to grieve. Waves of grief would roll over me at the most unexpected times and places.
At times the feeling of grief was overwhelming and intense. And I learned that grief is one of the few feelings you can't do anything about. You just have to feel your grief, and when you do, it dissipates.
My friend asked me what I was grieving. I don't know. And the truth is it doesn't matter....the feelings,
more than the event or trauma that caused the grief are more important.
What does this mean? It means that for those of us who've experienced major traumas, for those of us who are more "at risk" for stress related health issues, healing involves returning to feeling... it does not involve going over and over and over that major trauma that took you away from yourself, away from feeling in the first place.
So many well meaning doctors and therapists insist on going back in physical time, to where all
the trauma and hurts took place, in an effort to relive and move beyond the trauma. It doesn't help,
because your subconscious mind/body continues to experience that moment of trauma every single day...until it's healed in the moment...your subconscious isn't aware that this traumatic event, events, or even life, occurred yesterday or last year, or 30 years ago. To your subconscious, that deeper part of you, it's all happening now...so if you heal the now, you heal the past, the present, and the future.
So I would say stop going back in time, stop returning to your childhood, stop returning to the events that caused you pain, that ripped a hole in your soul. Because it's still happening in the now.
In short, I started to feel...during my illness, and probably for several years prior, I had stopped feeling, without knowing it...I had buried and repressed all sorts of feelings I didn't know I had.
One of the strongest feelings that emerged was the feeling of grief. I don't know why, but as I began to recover I began to grieve. Waves of grief would roll over me at the most unexpected times and places.
At times the feeling of grief was overwhelming and intense. And I learned that grief is one of the few feelings you can't do anything about. You just have to feel your grief, and when you do, it dissipates.
My friend asked me what I was grieving. I don't know. And the truth is it doesn't matter....the feelings,
more than the event or trauma that caused the grief are more important.
What does this mean? It means that for those of us who've experienced major traumas, for those of us who are more "at risk" for stress related health issues, healing involves returning to feeling... it does not involve going over and over and over that major trauma that took you away from yourself, away from feeling in the first place.
So many well meaning doctors and therapists insist on going back in physical time, to where all
the trauma and hurts took place, in an effort to relive and move beyond the trauma. It doesn't help,
because your subconscious mind/body continues to experience that moment of trauma every single day...until it's healed in the moment...your subconscious isn't aware that this traumatic event, events, or even life, occurred yesterday or last year, or 30 years ago. To your subconscious, that deeper part of you, it's all happening now...so if you heal the now, you heal the past, the present, and the future.
So I would say stop going back in time, stop returning to your childhood, stop returning to the events that caused you pain, that ripped a hole in your soul. Because it's still happening in the now.
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