To Think Or Not To Think...
A while back a dear friend lost her dog. He had been her faithful companion for 14 years, and as a dog lover I could certainly relate to her grief. I wanted to write a note, but I couldn't come up with the words that would fully express my sympathy. I set the note aside, and got lost
in my day...a few hours later I came back to complete my note, and wrote, without even a thought, my heartfelt sympathy. I did it without thinking.
So what does this have to do with how I recovered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Everything. Because this is what I had to do to recover. I had to stop thinking about how sick I was. I had to stop chasing down treatments and diets and supplements and doctors. I had so many worrisome and complicated and debilitating symptoms, and I would try to make sense of them. I did resist the labels and diagnoses that could have easily gone into my medical records...I avoided most traditional doctors as much as I could...and I'm glad I did because they would have convinced me that I had several different diagnoses...and I would still be sick today. But I had to let go of the logical, medical, scientific explanations of what was happening to my body. I had to learn to embrace physical symptoms as something they did not at all appear to be...not as indicators of illness, but as messages that were trying to get my attention. I've come to believe that almost every (but NOT every) illness is a message from the bigger part of you.
The idea that the body creates illness and discomfort in order to get your attention, to communicate with you, is nothing new. It goes back to the work of Milton Erickson who theorized that physical disease was brought about by the unconscious mind. Dis-ease is trying to alert you of discomfort and unrest that you aren't aware of, or are "stuffing" down and repressing, or even medicating, with drugs, food, and alcohol. But your body is wise. It is all knowing..in that it knows all of you, even the parts that you don't know. It knows you better than yourself.
So true healing ( not just symptom management, which is what I was striving for while I was sick), comes about when we start to respond to physical symptoms in a new way. When I was sick, I would get one symptom under control, and almost immediately another, often new symptom, would "pop up". I remember feeling as though I could not manage everything that was happening to my body..it seemed as though I had several different illnesses all at once. But when I learned to perceive symptoms as communication, all of that changed. I didn't need to manage symptoms, I needed to listen to them. Once I listened to them, and responded to them, my illness receded.
It was simple, elegant, and true. Almost too simple, for such a complicated illness. But I wasn't emotionally out of balance, and this illness was not "all in my head". I was very, very sick. My whole body was out of balance.
I learned a multitude of lessons about myself. The most important thing I learned was to stop thinking. Because the body doesn't speak in logical, rational ways. Its communication to you is unconscious. When I got out of my head, and into my body, interesting things started to happen. I became more creative, intelligent, and spontaneous, because I wasn't thinking so much. I wasn't ruled by my rational mind, I let my body and heart be my guide. Amazing things start to happen when you stop thinking. Your ego takes a back seat and the wisdom of your body starts to come to the forefront. Your body, not your mind can rule your day.
This reminds me of some parenting advice that a very wise woman gave me when my children were still very small. She told me to let my children lead the way, so that they could follow their own hearts and desires. She told me I should be behind them, ready to catch them if they fall. This is how we should be with ourselves. We should let our body lead the way, with our rational minds standing guard behind us, catching us if we should fall. At the end of the day, that is the proper role of the mind/ego...to keep us safe from danger, with our hearts leading the way.
in my day...a few hours later I came back to complete my note, and wrote, without even a thought, my heartfelt sympathy. I did it without thinking.
So what does this have to do with how I recovered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Everything. Because this is what I had to do to recover. I had to stop thinking about how sick I was. I had to stop chasing down treatments and diets and supplements and doctors. I had so many worrisome and complicated and debilitating symptoms, and I would try to make sense of them. I did resist the labels and diagnoses that could have easily gone into my medical records...I avoided most traditional doctors as much as I could...and I'm glad I did because they would have convinced me that I had several different diagnoses...and I would still be sick today. But I had to let go of the logical, medical, scientific explanations of what was happening to my body. I had to learn to embrace physical symptoms as something they did not at all appear to be...not as indicators of illness, but as messages that were trying to get my attention. I've come to believe that almost every (but NOT every) illness is a message from the bigger part of you.
The idea that the body creates illness and discomfort in order to get your attention, to communicate with you, is nothing new. It goes back to the work of Milton Erickson who theorized that physical disease was brought about by the unconscious mind. Dis-ease is trying to alert you of discomfort and unrest that you aren't aware of, or are "stuffing" down and repressing, or even medicating, with drugs, food, and alcohol. But your body is wise. It is all knowing..in that it knows all of you, even the parts that you don't know. It knows you better than yourself.
So true healing ( not just symptom management, which is what I was striving for while I was sick), comes about when we start to respond to physical symptoms in a new way. When I was sick, I would get one symptom under control, and almost immediately another, often new symptom, would "pop up". I remember feeling as though I could not manage everything that was happening to my body..it seemed as though I had several different illnesses all at once. But when I learned to perceive symptoms as communication, all of that changed. I didn't need to manage symptoms, I needed to listen to them. Once I listened to them, and responded to them, my illness receded.
It was simple, elegant, and true. Almost too simple, for such a complicated illness. But I wasn't emotionally out of balance, and this illness was not "all in my head". I was very, very sick. My whole body was out of balance.
I learned a multitude of lessons about myself. The most important thing I learned was to stop thinking. Because the body doesn't speak in logical, rational ways. Its communication to you is unconscious. When I got out of my head, and into my body, interesting things started to happen. I became more creative, intelligent, and spontaneous, because I wasn't thinking so much. I wasn't ruled by my rational mind, I let my body and heart be my guide. Amazing things start to happen when you stop thinking. Your ego takes a back seat and the wisdom of your body starts to come to the forefront. Your body, not your mind can rule your day.
This reminds me of some parenting advice that a very wise woman gave me when my children were still very small. She told me to let my children lead the way, so that they could follow their own hearts and desires. She told me I should be behind them, ready to catch them if they fall. This is how we should be with ourselves. We should let our body lead the way, with our rational minds standing guard behind us, catching us if we should fall. At the end of the day, that is the proper role of the mind/ego...to keep us safe from danger, with our hearts leading the way.
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