Of Hearts and Little Things...
"Grown-ups love figures...When you tell them you've made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you "What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?" Instead they demand "How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make?" Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
I had the distinct displeasure of having to fulfill a foreign language requirement in high school and college, in the form of six years of French. It was torture, I was terrible at it. My husband reminds me of this every time we travel to a French speaking country, and he has to be our translator and communicator even though he does not know French...it amuses him to no end. In four out of my six years of French I had to read Antoine de Saint-Exupery's Le Petit Prince. Truth be told, the story irritated me, I didn't get it, and its only redeeming quality in my mind was that it was a quick read, even though it was in French; the English translation was readily available. But now I think of it often, because while we are are so busy looking at the quantifiable...blood tests, numbers, symptoms, medications and health habits, we are overlooking the most important aspect of our health and well being....our hearts and emotions -- Those mysterious unquantifiable things that we as patients, health care providers and healers often overlook. As the Little Prince states in this oft quoted line..."it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." The heart, the emotions, the unseen things, are the link between mind/body body/mind, that we tend to ignore. And this is the most sacred aspect of ourselves.
I read a study today that cited that 95% of all illnesses were caused or made worse by stress. The article referred to a study of doctors, in which those who scored high on a test for hostility were at higher risk for heart disease, than those who smoked, had high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. This is amazing! The unseen part of the hostile doctors, that thing that makes them "unique in all the world" was damaged not by something outside of themselves, like cigarettes and fast food, but by repressing their anger so much that they became hostile and at risk for significant health issues.
I think I can imagine what will happen next. The hostile doctors will be prescribed meditation and yoga, and maybe some anger management classes. They will have to adjust their busy schedules to fit in time for Yoga and meditation and anger management. This will help a little! They might become more relaxed, more in tune with the moment, and maybe they will not be so quick to anger. The hostility will still burn, however, just not as hotly or brightly. But it will remain until they learn to answer the call of the message behind the anger and hostility. I think this is where we have it all wrong. We're taught to cope with negative emotions, to feel shame around negative emotions, to be aware that they can make us sick. But we are not taught about the gift of negative emotions, and the truly healthy aspect of ourselves that is bringing an important message to our attention.
So what could the hostile doctors do to overcome their hostility and regain their health? How could they change their health without spending months and years practicing Yoga and meditation? They could literally experience a change of heart by answering the call of the negative emotion of hostility, and responding in a positive and powerful way, honoring others and empowering themselves in the process. Swift productive action in the face of strong negative emotion will most likely dilate a heart vessel faster than a heart surgeon can say coronary artery bypass. Stress contracts, relaxation expands. Negative emotions tell us we are off our paths, and that we've come away from ourselves. When we right ourselves, our health and balance return. It is as simple and as complicated as that.
It is complicated because what dictates good health is not easily quantifiable. It's not numbers and lifestyle factors. Its how we interact..our inner selves with our outer environment. It's how that part of us that is "...unique in all the world...." interacts with the world at large.
No illness, then, is the same in any two people, nor is the cure. True health is an individual journey, and for someone who is very sick, a cure can become very much like a pilgrimage back to the heart of the soul.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
I had the distinct displeasure of having to fulfill a foreign language requirement in high school and college, in the form of six years of French. It was torture, I was terrible at it. My husband reminds me of this every time we travel to a French speaking country, and he has to be our translator and communicator even though he does not know French...it amuses him to no end. In four out of my six years of French I had to read Antoine de Saint-Exupery's Le Petit Prince. Truth be told, the story irritated me, I didn't get it, and its only redeeming quality in my mind was that it was a quick read, even though it was in French; the English translation was readily available. But now I think of it often, because while we are are so busy looking at the quantifiable...blood tests, numbers, symptoms, medications and health habits, we are overlooking the most important aspect of our health and well being....our hearts and emotions -- Those mysterious unquantifiable things that we as patients, health care providers and healers often overlook. As the Little Prince states in this oft quoted line..."it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." The heart, the emotions, the unseen things, are the link between mind/body body/mind, that we tend to ignore. And this is the most sacred aspect of ourselves.
I read a study today that cited that 95% of all illnesses were caused or made worse by stress. The article referred to a study of doctors, in which those who scored high on a test for hostility were at higher risk for heart disease, than those who smoked, had high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. This is amazing! The unseen part of the hostile doctors, that thing that makes them "unique in all the world" was damaged not by something outside of themselves, like cigarettes and fast food, but by repressing their anger so much that they became hostile and at risk for significant health issues.
I think I can imagine what will happen next. The hostile doctors will be prescribed meditation and yoga, and maybe some anger management classes. They will have to adjust their busy schedules to fit in time for Yoga and meditation and anger management. This will help a little! They might become more relaxed, more in tune with the moment, and maybe they will not be so quick to anger. The hostility will still burn, however, just not as hotly or brightly. But it will remain until they learn to answer the call of the message behind the anger and hostility. I think this is where we have it all wrong. We're taught to cope with negative emotions, to feel shame around negative emotions, to be aware that they can make us sick. But we are not taught about the gift of negative emotions, and the truly healthy aspect of ourselves that is bringing an important message to our attention.
So what could the hostile doctors do to overcome their hostility and regain their health? How could they change their health without spending months and years practicing Yoga and meditation? They could literally experience a change of heart by answering the call of the negative emotion of hostility, and responding in a positive and powerful way, honoring others and empowering themselves in the process. Swift productive action in the face of strong negative emotion will most likely dilate a heart vessel faster than a heart surgeon can say coronary artery bypass. Stress contracts, relaxation expands. Negative emotions tell us we are off our paths, and that we've come away from ourselves. When we right ourselves, our health and balance return. It is as simple and as complicated as that.
It is complicated because what dictates good health is not easily quantifiable. It's not numbers and lifestyle factors. Its how we interact..our inner selves with our outer environment. It's how that part of us that is "...unique in all the world...." interacts with the world at large.
No illness, then, is the same in any two people, nor is the cure. True health is an individual journey, and for someone who is very sick, a cure can become very much like a pilgrimage back to the heart of the soul.
Thanks for this post. I'm interested that you mention anger specifically of the so-called negative emotions; I've noticed that many people who I meet with CFS also frequently occur to me as hostile or angry, yet don't identify as being angry when I empathise with them. Now that I'm coaching people with CFS myself, I notice that all my clients have a history of suppressing or avoiding anger. I've also had hate mail and hate tweets from people with CFS, and have read articles by journalists reporting the same thing. I suspect we get sick because deep down we're angry, rather than being angry because we got sick. I look forward to hearing more about how you dealt with anger. Cheers, Graham
ReplyDeleteHi Graham,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for reading the blog. I love this question, as it has inspired me to write another post on this subject. But to answer your question...
First off, I write about anger because I think we can all relate to it...anger is an intense and difficult emotion, and many of us don't know what to do with it. However, as I was recovering from CFS, the emotion that I had been repressing was grief...my body wanted to grieve...and it was that emotion that I repressed so much because I did not want to feel the pain of grief. It is also important to note that grief is the one emotion that we can't do anything about ...but we do have to allow the feeling to work through and flow through our bodies so as to avoid it getting energetically "stuck" or repressed.
So back to anger. As a nurse with over a decade of experience I will tell you that most people (not all) who are chronically ill are angry, and they will take their anger out on the people who are trying to help them. Chronically ill people are angry people...and most doctors and nurses know this...they feel helpless and angry because of their illness. So I don't think that CFS is caused by repressed anger. However, many doctors will tell you ( off the record) that they believe that many illnesses are caused by repressed anger. BUT, I do notice that their is quite a bit of anger within the CFS community, and it certainly isn't repressed...these people are openly angry and often hostile...especially if you suggest that their illness is caused by repressed negative emotions...because then they think you are telling them "it's all in their head" or that they have "emotional problems" neither of which is true...but they are very good at expressing anger, although they may deny feeling angry when confronted with their behavior...but that is denial, rather than repression...if they were repressing their anger they wouldn't be able to express or behave in an angry fashion.
However, dealing with anger is a different thing. I think that we get lost in the energy of the emotion...anger is a strong emotion, and we forget that it doesn't require expression...it requires an answer, a productive response. Anger is a message that we've been violated, and it needs a swift, quick, and productive response before it builds and is expressed as either depression or physical illness...so anger is just a message and dealing with anger requires finding the message behind it...and acting on that message...the moment the emotion makes itself known...
I hope that helps..let me know if you have more questions.
HI Graham,
ReplyDeleteI feel I need to make a distinction between repression and denial in regards to emotion...I know I wrote about repressed hostility in this blog...ok, so denial of emotion is saying you don't feel the emotion, even though your behavior betrays you..that is akin to lying or denying. I think of repressed emotion as an emotion that you don't feel OR express...you simply aren't aware of it..it's unconscious...and it's the unconscious, suppressed, or repressed emotions that make us sick...so anger that is bubbling just beneath the surface, or hostility are very conscious, but often people will deny them because they are socially unacceptable or because they don't know what to do with those feelings...and remember, an emotion is a message and a negative emotion is a call to action..ok, I hope that helps